CeresVulcan

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1.) Run To The Water-Live
In a moment we lost our minds here/We dreamt the world was round/A million mile fall from grace/Thank god we missed the ground

2.)Time Travel-Never Shout Never
So I checked my pulse/Standing there white as a ghost/I lacked a complexion and stabbed my reflection twelve times

3.)Better Than I Know Myself-Adam Lambert 
If I wanted to leave I would've left by now/But you're the only one that knows me/Better than I know myself

4.)Shelter From The Storm-Steve Adey
T'was in another lifetime/One of toil and blood/When blackness was a virtue/And the road was full of mud

5.)The Future Ain't What It Used To Be-Pandora's Box
Some days I feel so numb and empty/And those would be the good days for me/Nothing gets to me now/Unless I'm thinking of how the future ain't what it used to be

6.)Secrets That Aren't My Own-Alison Crowe
Please take this pain away from me/Down the river and out to the sea/And I am not an angel/I'm more like Mona Lisa/There is something hiding in me

7.)Ce'st La Morte-The Civil Wars
Go be lost where no one can be found/Drink so long and deep until you drown/Say your goodbyes but darling if you please/Don't go without me

8.)This Is Not The End-Clare Maguire
But when in time I see your face/The scars will fade/The heart will mend/So dry your eyes and lay me down/I tell you this is not the end

It was barely dawn when Cas was woken, and found himself sitting in his cabin alone in the dark. A strange feeling, as he had gotten so used to his female company after Dean pushed him out. It was too early to be awake, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep with all of these things on his mind and no pills to help. He didn’t even want breakfast this morning, though if he went now there would be no fighting and no waiting. It was tempting.

But he was only a short time away from stepping into the future, his own future, something he had never done before. Not even as an angel. He needed to know that his time here wasn’t worthless, that Dean did want him around and he wasn’t just spitting words. Cas had little to no faith in anything left, just the reassurance that he could get stoned and have sex whenever he wanted and not worry about the stupid Croats or Lucifer. And not even that was a daily guarantee. By this point, he was grasping at straws. He had to see for himself.

Cas pulled himself out of bed, hair sticking every which way, pants too big and hanging on to his hips as he padded barefoot into the tiny bathroom where he looked into the dirty broken mirror he had to work with, and groaned at his appearance. “You know, you used to be pretty good looking.” He sad to his reflection, “Now look at you. No wonder Dean won’t fuck you anymore.”

Cas decided his reflection wasn’t going to offer him a pre-time travel pep talk, so he threw on his shirt, grabbed his satchel, a bottle of whiskey, and went to grab his gun out of habit only to recall they had taken it from him last night. So this was it. He sighed aloud and walked outside into the still dark morning, trotting over to the TARDIS to knock on her big blue doors.

When the door opened, what greeted him was a sleepy-eyed Doctor with mussed hair half-dressed and wrapped in his bed sheets. Cas looked him up and down and couldn’t help but giggle. “What are you doing here?” The Doctor growled out in a draggy morning voice.

“Time travel, remember! Today’s the day!” Cas marched in past him, looking like a kid who was about to go on a camping trip. The Doctor was still scratching his head.

“How are you so chipper at this hour? I told you, no drugs before take-off.”

“I didn’t, I swear. I just wake up easy. I don’t need much sleep. Ex-angel thing I guess.” Cas shrugged. He walked up the steps to the console, his eyes wide with wonder. His hand skimmed over the many buttons and levers and knobs that adorned the chrome plating, the wire and lights and colors, it was like nothing he had ever seen. He reached out to touch it.

“Ahh! Stop!” The Doctor cried from behind him, hurrying forward and stumbling over the sheets wrapped around him. “Nobody touches my TARDIS without permission.”

“Oh. Can I have permission?”

“No. Now, let’s see. September, 2014. Original location.” He looked over at Cas, “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.” Cas replied strongly. He hadn’t felt this certain over a decision in a long time, no fuzzy thoughts clouding his judgment, which was a strange feeling in of itself.

The Doctor shook his head and sighed, he had hoped maybe Cas would change his mind at the last moment and decide to let things be. But he would follow through with it. It was all he could do. With that, the Doctor pulled the lever and the TARDIS started whirring and buzzing.

Outside, Amy was woken by that familiar sound, and she hurried out the door just in time to see the TARDIS vanish from sight.

***

By the time the rest of the camp woke up, Amy had gotten the breakfast portions ready and waiting for everyone, her gun tucked in her jeans while she cooked. Dean was the first one in the door and he immediately noticed Amy sporting her latest accessory.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you liked that thing.”

“I’m just doing what you told me. Ready at any moment right? Never know when they might come.”

“Smart girl.” Dean smirked, grabbing a plate of food. “Where’s Cas?” He asked, looking around.

“Left with the Doctor this morning, but I wouldn’t worry, they shouldn’t be long.”

“You sure it was a good idea letting Cas run off with the same person who lost you and the kid, but also seemed to freak Cas the fuck out when he got here?”

“The Doctor is the person I trust more than anyone in the world. You know, next to Rory. I mean he may be a bit…crazy. But he’s a good guy. Cas is in good hands.”

“It’s just…” Dean sighed loudly as he took a seat, “Cas is fragile. I mean you were there last night. I thought he was going to shoot someone, or himself. And that was just because he got a jealous. I don’t know what the hell he’s walking into. Cas is already screwed up, no offense to your friend but I really don’t need anything triggering him anymore.”

“You worry Dean?” Amy asked.

Dean was quiet, studying her eyes. Oh he wasn’t going to just walk right into this trap, he knew what she was trying to do. He couldn’t be caught so easily. “Naw, Cas is a big boy, he can take care of himself.” Amy frowned. Dean was a stubborn man indeed. Risa looked up from her plate, her mouth full of scrambled egg and she half-smiled at Amy.

“Target practice today Ames?”

“Uh…yeah…I guess so.”

“Ames?” Rory asked, coming up behind his wife.

“It’s a good nickname for her, don’t you think Ginger?” Risa teased.

“Yes. Perfect.” Rory answer with a scoff, taking the plate of food that Amy handed him. “Did I hear right? Did the Doctor really run off with Cas this morning?”

“You make it sound like they got married.” Dean muttered under his breath.

Amy only smiled, sharing a glance with Rory who laughed, and tried not to choke on his bacon.

***

“But….this is…” Cas stared blankly at the site before him. The land more barren than he could ever remember it. Vines grown over the broken Impala. The wind throwing back one of the doors that clattered loudly against the side of the cabin, the one that would’ve been Dean’s.

“This is your future. I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing either of us can do.”

Cas met the Doctor’s solemn gaze and just stared at him for a moment. All those years of war and fighting and friendship and love and knowledge staring back at him. Here he was standing at the door to his own death. Cas knew it was coming, and he couldn’t stop it. It was so ironic, he couldn’t help but laugh at its bitterness. Dean would’ve laughed too.

“It doesn’t look any different. Except for a few more weeds.” Cas said, stepping over the weeds and making his way toward the desolate abandoned cabins. “So how long have we got then?”

“Little more than a year. It’s been three weeks since you died.”

“And Dean?”

The Doctor lowered his eyes.

“But we won right, somehow, someway? Dean went out in a blaze of glory like he always wanted, right?”

“Cas, I can’t tell you the circumstances of your deaths or what choices led you here, I can only show you the place you’re headed too.”

“Yeah, but...” Cas kicked at the hard dirt beneath his feet, “The future can be changed.”

“Not this. I told you this is a fixed point in time. There’s no changing this. It must be.”

Cas nodded, as if he were accepting this and agreeing with the Doctor, but his eyes said otherwise. He sniffled loudly, and wiped at his nose. He suddenly spotted something tacked to Dean’s door and rushed over to grab it before it was whipped off by the wind. He heard the Doctor start to protest, probably shouldn’t be looking at things meant for the future. But he was already here, so why not look?

Cas got to the door, tugging the paper off.  It was a letter, from Dean to Chuck. Of course, Chuck wouldn’t have gone off on a mission with them, which meant likely Chuck was still alive. Somewhere else by now. Cas wondered how many of the other campers would last another year. How many of them would succumb to the pressure of this life like he often wanted too? Would any of them walk into the waiting den of Croats? It ripped at the corner, but all the words seemed to be intact. It was Dean’s handwriting all right, slanted and scrawled like he was in a hurry. Smudged on the ends from where he would lean. Cas had watched Dean write in the journal he started to keep after Sam left many times. Cas hadn’t read a thing of Dean’s in months. But every so often Cas would see that black moleskin in his coat pocket, and he knew he was still writing.

So, what words of wisdom had their fearless leader left behind?

Chuck,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I’m pretty sure you knew, it’s likely we won’t be coming back from this mission. I know this is a long shot, but I have to try. The rest of you need to get away while you can. There’s another camp  down further south, on the border of Louisiana and Mississippi. Grant Page lives there. Find him, and take whoever else you can. Chances are, none of us are coming back. If anyone does survive, tell them I’m sorry. I did what I thought was best. If by some miracle Cas survives, tell him…

There were some words scribbled out here before it continued.

Tell him I never gave up on him even when it looked that way. And tell him the journal is still in the drawer…he’ll know what I mean.

Dean

“What happened?.” Cas whispered to himself, his fingers wanting to crumble the paper beneath his hands. “Doctor, do you know this?” Cas held the letter up defiantly, marching back over to the Doctor and all but waving it in his face. “What happened? What did he do wrong? I thought maybe the Croats would get us. Maybe we’d die in a demon attack. What happened? How the hell am I supposed to live without knowing, when we could try and make another plan. I can’t watch him die, Doctor. Please. Tell me how to stop it.”

“You can’t stop it Cas!” The Doctor said forcefully, grabbing Cas by the shoulders. “This is how it has to be. If you do anything to change this, realities will crumble, and so many more will die. Dean will die and you will die, over and over again. But if you leave it alone, there is hope.”

“So why did you bring me here? I wanted to save him! You knew that!” Cas stopped, realizing he had said “him”, instead of “them”. And by the twinkle in the Doctor’s eyes he had noticed too.

“You can save him, in other ways. Take the time you have left and make the most of it. Do it now. Because you won’t get to later.” The Doctor released his hold on Cas, and Cas lowered his arms to his side, still clutching the letter as the wind ripped at it. So this was how their story would end. So much for glory.

“Did he stay? My other self? When it was all over, did he stay with Dean?”

The Doctor pasted on his best smile, and told Cas what he wanted to hear, “Yes. He did.” Rule Number One: The Doctor Lies. “We really should go.” The Doctor said.

“Hold on. Just one more thing.” Cas turned and ran back into Dean’s empty cabin.

***

The conditions of the day at Camp Chitaqua had quickly changed, as now not only Croats but also demons were attacking the camp. Jake and a few of the other men stood at the entrances, the gates guarded with devils-traps and warding sigils, the whole perimeter lined with salt. But they still had their exorcisms and holy water ready at a moment’s notice. The Croats could not be kept out by such a method though, and they had climbed over the fence and now came toward the cabins like something in a sci-fi movie. Dean watched out the window as Rory piled furniture up against the door and Amy felt for her gun with trembling hands. Chuck and Jane had hurried into a family’s cabin that had small children to help protect them, and Risa stood in the center of the yard firing at anything that came near the door.

“I knew things had been too quiet around here. They were waiting.” Dean muttered.

“You’re saying they had an attack plan?” Rory asked, “I thought they were like zombies.”

“No. Croatoan is more like a form of rabies, makes you go crazy.”

“I think I would prefer zombies.”

“Rory!” Amy called to him. Rory turned around and Amy threw him a rifle.

“What are you doing?” Rory asked as he stared down at the rifle, unsure and baffled.

“No she’s right. We have to arm ourselves, they’re smarter than they look. Fuck, we could really use Cas right about now. I should never have let your weird friend take him on Doc and Cas’ excellent adventure.”

“They should be back soon.” Amy said, watching out another window.  A Croat approached Risa and she shot it in the head.

“Great, they’ll be back just in time for the massacre.” Rory remarked.

“Ok. When I give the signal, we go out on three. Rory, open the door.”

Rory took a deep breath as he gripped the door handle and watched Dean for the signal. Amy readied her gun, and Dean held his own .45 against his chest prepared to fire at a moment’s notice. He nodded to Rory, and the door was flung open. Dean raced out into the blinding sunlight with Amy and Rory at his heels.

***

Cas sat down on the creaky mattress, the same one Dean had now where the springs sagged in the middle. In the next year, Cas would see Dean turn up on his doorstep complaining of back pain on several nights. Most of the time, he would be lying. And Cas being Cas, would invite him in. Some nights they would just sleep. Other nights they would remember how they used to be, and they would kiss and touch and press body against body in secret. Dean would never again admit to his feelings for Cas. And eventually, he would stop coming to his door step altogether, and seek his comfort elsewhere.

Cas pulled open the bottom drawer, which contained a folded leather jacket, the keys to the Impala, and a journal. He took it out, and blew the small bit of dust off the cover. Turning its soft pages over and over slowly, just glancing at each entrance. He started flipping through it, until he found the last one.

His eyes read the words silently, his heartbeat quickening as he thought of Dean back in his time, and only a year later they would all be dead. And somewhere there was another Dean and another Cas that would find a way to save the world. But in saving the world they would lose each other. And Cas didn’t know which was worse. For all the days he had spent with Dean, even with Croats and demons and Lucifer, even when he did stupid things like break his foot, or get too drunk, or find Dean yelling at him because he was so stoned he couldn’t go out on patrol with them. The first time he had fought with Dean, and the first time he had cried over Dean. The friends they lost and the ones they had to get rid of. A broken car sitting in the yard, and a dirty torn trenchcoat in the trunk. It was his life.

When he finished the page he smiled, and even laughed a little. Dean was still Dean, even on paper his spirit came through.

A small knock came at the door, “Cas? We really need to go.”

Cas shut the journal, and slipped it into his jacket pocket, making sure it was well concealed.

“You’re right Doctor. I’m finished here.”

***

The camp felt like a target range. Every time a Croat would get close, climb over the fence, or jump onto the roof of a cabin someone would turn and fire at them. They barely had a moment to take a breath before another was on them.

“These motherfuckers won’t quit!” Risa yelled.

“What do they even want?!” Rory questioned, firing another shot.

“The virus creates an insatiable rage, and pretty much all they want to do is kill you. Or turn you. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, which is what makes it really bad.” Dean whirled around and fired over Rory’s head. “They’re so unpredictable.” The four of them stepped out, spanning their range further. “Risa, go see if Jake needs help.”

“What about you?”

“I said go!” Dean growled.

Risa scowled at him, but she obeyed.

Amy looked confident holding her gun in hand, Rory with his rifle looked somewhat terrified. “I wish the Doctor was here.”

The wind suddenly picked up, it seemed to swirl around them, and suddenly they heard that familiar vworp-vworp sound they knew so well. A grin spread across Amy’s face as she watched the TARDIS come into view. Dean even turned to give a small grin to Rory, “Good job kid.”

When the doors open, Cas poked his head out and ducked back inside. He fished inside his bag before remembering he didn’t have his gun with him. “Fuck! We can’t help! I don’t have my gun!”

“Oh? Are those the zombies?” The Doctor asked, peering around Cas.

“Yes.”

“Well…” The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver from his pocket, “I think we can take care of them.”  With a swagger of brashness, he stepped from the TARDIS.  Everyone seemed to stop and watch in awe as the strange unarmed man confidently placed himself in the center of the madness. “Alright everyone, let’s see how you like this?” He turned on the sonic and the screeching vibrations filled the air.

The Croats all began to shriek and grab their ears, much like dogs to a whistle. They backed away, and some even seemed to run to get away from the sound. As they ran the trio again turned their guns on them and shot until they saw black blood splatter. Cas ran out and just as Dean was turning to knock-down an approaching Croat, Cas grabbed Dean’s gun and smashed it in the head. Amy fired a finishing shot, and the camp fell silent.

“What the hell was that?” Risa exclaimed.

“Sonic screwdriver. It doesn’t do wood, but it works pretty good against zombies.” The Doctor remarked.

He smiled at Cas, and the two men shared a high-five.

***

“We really can’t thank you enough for all your hospitality.” Amy said. “And everything you did for us.”

“Man, do we have to get all mushy?” Risa groaned.

Amy laughed, “You’re a tough girl Risa, you show those Croats who’s boss! Oh and Chuck, thanks for the spare room.” Chuck smiled and only nodded in response.

“I’ll admit, I’m sorry to see you go.” Dean said. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t stick around here either.”

“Everything will be okay Dean.”

“No it won’t. But thanks for saying it anyway.”

Cas watched Rory take Amy’s hand and he subtly smiled at the Doctor. Goodbyes were exchanged between the rest of them. Amy gave Cas a small kiss on the cheek, and patted his hair, and it felt nice. Dean insisted that Amy keep the gun, and Amy felt she should give something in return but all her bag contained were alien trinkets and girly knick-knacks. Rory stepped forward and handed Dean his walkie. “It doesn’t work but…well….maybe it will one day, if you really need us and you wish really hard.”

“Better be off Ponds.” The Doctor said, ushering them toward the door.

“Doctor?” Cas called to him. “Thank you, for…uh…well…you know.”

“You’re welcome. Castiel.” The Doctor gave Cas a wink.

Dean gave Cas an odd look after that exchange, but Cas just shrugged and said nothing. And so The Doctor and his companions were off, climbing back into the TARDIS and the residents of Camp Chitaqua watching as the mysterious blue box vanished from sight. At their departure, everyone turned to go back to their own cabins, as the sun would set soon, and they all liked to be in for the night.

Dean had just walked through his door when he heard someone following him up the stairs, and he turned to see Cas’ scraggly face. “You forget something?”

Cas said nothing before threw his arms around Dean, pulling the other man in close and tight. It was something he hadn’t done in months. Dean’s scent wafted through his nose, the feel of that cold dirty jacket familiar under his fingertips, the warm scratchy feeling of Dean’s unshaven face. Dean seemed to freeze, and after what felt like an eternity, his hand came to rest on Cas’ back.

“I just…I just wanted to tell you something. In case I forget to tell you later.” Cas said.

“Ok. Well? What is it?” Dean was quiet, “Cas? What did you want to tell me?”

The voice of a fallen angel broke the silence that day.

“Goodbye.”

THE END. 

The Doctor wasn’t quite sure how to respond to Cas’ request at first. He understood Cas’ reasoning and what he thought he could accomplish from this, but the Doctor also knew the future Cas would be walking into. It was something no soul should ever have to bear, especially not twice. And not someone as damaged as Cas was.

“I can’t.” He responded.

“Can’t or won’t?”

The Doctor brushed past Cas, who had walked inside the TARDIS and now stood near the console. He found all the buttons and levers quite enchanting, like sparkling jewels of a forbidden treasure.

“Both actually. The TARDIS is still not up to par, and as I suspected we will be here a little longer. And, there are certain things a person is not meant to know before they happen Cas, it can cause catastrophes in the universe. I don’t believe visiting your future would be very wise.”

“You do remember I used to be an angel, right? This isn’t exactly new territory for me.”

 “I’ve been around a long time, been almost everywhere, met more people than I should be able to remember and yet somehow I do, remember..them..all. I spend a lot of time hopping around the universe. And while you may be older than I am, you are not more experienced when it comes to people.”

Cas was a little offended. But he didn’t know why. The Doctor had a manner of speaking in which he could dance around and around and pull you in every direction without actually giving you a direct answer. Still, he may have been mortal now, but he had been around since the beginning of time, and to insinuate that he didn’t understand something irked him a little. It was like Dean had been at the start.

Cas wondered how his other self had reacted to the Doctor’s personality.

“Doctor…”

“Cas!” Dean bellowed from outside.

Cas sighed, wondering what his fearless leader needed now. He knew better than to keep Dean waiting, so he cut their conversation short. The Doctor smirked at him, and Cas wagged his finger, “Don’t think you’ve won just yet.”

***

Cas found Dean heading for the jeeps with Jake and Rory, guns and duffle bags for gathering supplies slung over their shoulders. “Hey Cas, I’m taking the guys out for a supply run. Shouldn’t be too many Croats in the North district. You stay here and man the place while I’m gone, ok? Shouldn’t be more than a couple hours.”

“Wait, you’re not taking me?” Cas asked.

“I don’t want to leave the place unguarded Cas.”

Cas frowned, stopping in his tracks. “So let Jake stay, or Rory. He’s never even been on a supply run before, why are you taking him and not me?”

Rory stepped toward him, “If you want to go Cas…”

“No.” Dean held up his hand, “Rory comes because I want him too. And I want you to stay here because I know you can handle it.”

“Damn it Dean, I’m not your lap dog!” Cas yelled, “I thought we talked about this, remember?”

“You remember? Or weren’t you stoned?” Dean folded his arms across his chest in a cocky manner, staring down his nose at Cas. “You think you just get to tag along whenever you want? You have to earn the right to come. Rory has.”

Cas wanted to hit him, to hit Rory, to hit anyone. He wanted to yell at Dean, to go back to his cabin and get so fucked up he couldn’t see straight, and down the nearest bottle of whatever he could find. But all he did was find the amphetamines in his pocket, and gulp them down with water as he watched the jeep pull away.

Amy had been out to say goodbye to Rory and wish them good luck and a fast return as Dean and the boys pulled away, and she noticed Cas standing there in the dust of the jeep as it drove away, looking defeated.

“Cas? You okay?”

“Peachy.” Cas scoffed, kicking at the dirt. “I’m so sick of Dean and his bullshit. He wouldn’t care if he never saw me again.”

Amy scowled, “Don’t you dare say that. Yes he would.”

“Sorry Amy, your pep talks aren’t going to fly with me this time.” He sighed, “Tell the Doctor I’ll come talk at him later, I need to not be here right now.”

Amy shook her head as she watched Cas walk away. She wanted so much to help him, to fix things between him and Dean, to grab Dean by the shoulders and shake him and say ‘Can’t you see he loves you and it’s killing him.” But this wasn’t Amy’s world nor her time. And so she didn’t interfere, so as not to step on any butterflies.

***

When Dean got back late that night, everyone had already had their dinner and returned to their cabins. He saw some lights on in Cas’ cabin, but Dean knew blindly wandering inside often proved a bad idea. He had caught Cas in the midst of fucking some girl, or girls as were, more often than he cared too. So he retired to his own cabin in silence.

Dean was starting to get fed up with Cas and his antics. They had other things to be concentrating on, like the Croats and Lucifer and tracking down the colt, and even though Cas kept saying he would help, it was all a question of how out of it he would be when it came time to patrol or go on a supply run. This was the second time this week Dean had taken Rory over Cas. The cold beer he had in his hand tonight was doing little to soothe his worries, so he was quite pleased when he heard a knock at the door and saw Jane standing there smiling at him.

“Thought you looked like you could use some company.” She said.

Jane was pretty new around the camp. She had been a nurse, so she had proved quite useful to have, and Chuck and Risa had learned a lot from her. Dean also found her very pretty, with soft dark hair that was short and fell around her face. After being around a woman like Risa all day, someone like Jane was very soothing.

“I could use a lot of things, but if company’s what you offer, I’ll take it.” Dean managed a smile, though some would see right through it.

“What Cas said bothered you, didn’t it?”

“You blame me? God, he’s being so fucking careless lately. I could use him on patrols, I want to take him with us again, I really do. But if he’s got to go be a fucking stoner, I can’t trust him to be on the ball.”

“Dean…” Jane took it upon herself to climb into Dean’s lap, draping an arm around his shoulders. “Maybe you should stop worrying about Cas, and just worry about you for once.”

“Cas needs someone to look after him.”

“But that’s not your job anymore.” Jane said. Dean sighed, leaning into the warmth of Jane’s body. He sighed as he felt her fingernails petting and caressing at the back of his neck, and arched into the touch.  Jane took notice of his interest, leaning down to kiss a line around his ear and neck. “Think you could stop worrying for one night?”

“Possibly.” came Dean’s guttural reply.

Dean wasn’t as free with the love as Cas was these days. No, Cas gave it out like candy, Dean however found he had more important things to worry about. But sometimes candy was just there, and it seemed a shame to ignore such an offer.

Dean found Jane’s mouth and kissed her forcefully, his tongue playing between her lips. Jane shifted her body and moved so that she was straddling his lap, and had a perfect feel of the arousal growing between his legs. Her fingers raked down his chest, and she kissed him deeper.

Outside, making his way to Dean’s cabin door at this very moment was Cas, who had decided he felt bad about his behaviour earlier, and was on his way to apologize. Dean’s door had been left open just a crack, and Cas inched forward to the door, stopping when he saw Dean with his arms wrapped around Jane.

Cas knew it was her, she threw a flirty glance to Dean every now and then and acted like no one saw. Probably because no one else did. But Cas did, and he never expected to be jealous, but looking in and seeing them, hearing those sounds Dean made, he wanted to storm in and tear her away from him.

“Promise me you’ll quit worrying so much about what Cas does, ok?” Jane cooed.

Cas took notice even more at the sound of his name.

Dean let his fingers tangle into Jane’s short hair, leaning in as he spoke, “With you here, Cas doesn’t mean a thing to me.”

Cas stepped back, feeling like a knife had just been plunged into his heart, his blood cold. To hear Dean speak those words hurt worse than anything he had felt until now. Dean was all he really had in this fucked up world, and if Dean didn’t care about him, what reason did he have to be here?

Inside, hot kisses and grinding bodies were disrupted by the sound of slamming door and footsteps running away. Jane didn’t want too, but Dean urged her off and adjusted his jeans as he stood. He glanced out the window, and saw Cas hurrying across the ground back to his cabin. Shaking his head, he pulled the curtains closed again, and returned to his previous engagement.

***

Amy had just walked through the beaded curtains, and found Cas’ cabin ironically quiet and dark. No talking or giggling or moaning heard anywhere. “Cas?” She called softly, just in case he was sleeping. Something felt off to her.

She saw him then, sitting on the floor, staring at the ceiling, lines of smoke wafting upward.

“Cas, is this really what you’ve been doing this whole time? You think this is helping?”

“Not like anyone cares.” He replied, taking another hit. “Want some?”

“I’ll pass.” Amy sighed, grabbing a pillow and flopping down beside him. When she turned to look at him, she was surprised to see the tear stains on his face. Her fingers reached over to wipe away a stray tear, and he jumped at her touch. “Cas, you can’t do this. You can’t just come in here and hide yourself away and not tell anyone when you’re upset, it’s not good for you.”

Cas chuckled ironically, “The world is ending. People are dying every day. Sam is gone. And I’ve got so much blood on my hands, when I finally bite it I’ll probably be sent so far into hell they’ll have a special room for me. There is no redemption for me Amy. Not for any of us. And now, I’m losing Dean too. I know I am, I can feel it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the .45. “Wouldn’t death be some saving grace?”

Amy’s eyes went wide, “What? No! Don’t you dare!”

“You can’t help me. No one can help me.”

“You need to tell Dean that…”

Cas stood abruptly, gun in hand, “Fuck Dean! Dean doesn’t know any more than the rest of us. Just because he’s got some damn personal mission he thinks he can treat everyone around him like shit. And your friend out there could take me out of the fucking place, maybe let me help everyone, and he won’t! I can’t do it Amy! I just want it to stop. Make it stop, please.”

The gun suddenly went off and Amy screamed and dove to the floor. She wasn’t sure where he had been aiming, or whether the shot was intentional. When she looked up, he was on the floor again, gun still in his hand, face buried against his knees. It broke Amy’s heart.

The gunfire had attracted everyone’s attention, and it was just a matter of minutes until Dean burst in through the door. Cas had begun rifling through his drawers, and Dean scowled at him as if he was almost angry that Cas would disrupt all of them like this and have the gall to not be dead. “Cas, stop. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Dean said sternly, but Cas just ignored him, not even looking up, he just continued to fling drawers open and dig through them and pull out pill bottles, most of which he would then fling over his shoulder. “You need to calm down.”

“Get out.” Cas growled.

“No, I am not going anywhere. Look, I know you heard me in my cabin with Jane. I know you were at the door. Fuck Cas, you’re in here with girls every night, but you catch me with Jane and you can’t handle it?”

Cas whirled around to him, “You told her I didn’t mean anything! Do you know what that felt like? To hear you say that? Fuck Dean! Why am I even here?!”

Dean groaned, moving toward him, “It was a line Cas! It’s the same celestial dragonfly bullshit you feed the girls who come in here.”

“But I’ve never said you don’t matter to me. I would never Dean!”

Cas knelt with his back turned, crouching in front of some drawers overflowing with clothing and random odds and ends. Dean could see his shoulders trembling from the sobs he held back, and he felt horrible, but he also knew Cas had developed a flair for the melodramatic. He was always talking about how awful things were and how he should end it all, but Dean never paid much attention to him when he got like that. But this time, he saw the glint of one of their .45s in Cas’ hand still. “Cas! Just…calm down okay…don’t do anything.”

“Why?!” Cas turned around, the gun in his hand, “It would be so easy Dean. All I have to do is pull the fucking trigger! Isn’t that what you want, really? I would finally be out of your way. No more Cas to worry about. No more Cas to screw up your plans. Lucifer’s going to kill us all anyway, I may as well die with some dignity while I still have the chance.”

 The Doctor and Rory had suddenly burst in the door, gathering behind Dean. Risa too was poking her head in like the nosy person she was and Cas clung to his gun, his hands trembling as he backed himself into a corner.

“Amy! Make him understand!”

But Amy didn’t have to say anything, the Doctor knew what he wanted. He wanted to know that Dean still needed him, and that he was important. When he brought girls into his cabin and took pills and got stoned it was because they made him feel important, or they made him forget that he didn’t feel important. To go from being one of the most powerful beings in the cosmos to a mere mortal who could so easily be broken was a terrible thing. But the Doctor knew that Cas played a crucial part in Camp Chitaqua’s future. He would not die now. It wasn’t his time.

“Look Cas, we don’t have time for this. Just give me the gun.” Dean said, holding out a hand and stepping towards him. Cas responded by pulling back the hammer, and Dean froze. “Please…don’t. I already lost Sam. I can’t lose you too. I need you here. I can’t do this without you.”

Dean raised his hands in defense, walking toward Cas. Though Cas watched him take every step, he didn’t move. Just clutched the gun firmly between his fingers like it was some strange foreign object. Some days he wished he had never picked one up, never fired that first shot, never taken that first pill or given Dean that first kiss. Dean put a hand on his shoulder and Cas slowly sunk to the floor, lowering the gun to drop it at his feet. “Risa, take the gun and…take whatever of his pills you can find too. I’m not taking any chances.”

Amy watched as Dean stood over Cas, and her heart fluttered. She thought certainly Dean would throw his arms around his friend and pull him into a tight hug that was really what Cas he needed. Dean could only convince him so many times, he needed to show Cas he was loved. But that didn’t happen. Dean just patted Cas on the shoulder, took the gun from Risa, and turned back toward the door. As everyone else cleared out, Amy opted to stay and help Cas pick up.

“I’m sorry. I so sorry, I really am. I…” Cas sighed, and Amy was at his side, her hand on his.

“Everything’s ok. No one got hurt. You’re forgiven.”

Cas chuckled, “That’s an ironic statement if I ever heard one.” He sighed. “So…Risa took most of my stash, want to sneak me some stuff from Chuck’s cabin?” He said, already trying to lighten the mood.

“She better not.” Cas and Amy looked up at the sound of the Doctor’s voice, and saw him lingering in the doorway. “See, I like my passengers to be sober when we travel, otherwise it can mess with your head quite a bit. Remind me to tell you about Joan of Arc and the scotch incident sometime.” He absent-mindedly licked his fingers. “Anyway, I’d get a good night’s rest if I were you, you’ll need it for what I’m going to show you.”

Cas shook his head, “I must still be high, because I swear you just said you said yes to my request.”

The Doctor smiled, putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder, “I want you to understand something first. This is not what may happen, this is what will happen. What I’m going to show you is a fixed point in time and it cannot be changed, no matter how bad you want it. But I will show you, because I understand what you’re looking for. It’s something I’ve often search for myself, so I know how hard it is when you can’t find it.”

“I…I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

He sighed, “I’m afraid you won’t be thanking me tomorrow. Now get some sleep. Goodnight Castiel.”

Rory stood just outside the door and peered in as the Doctor left, gesturing for Amy to come along. She gently waved him off, her arm wrapped loosely around Cas’ waist. She didn’t want to leave him just yet. They stood at the only window together, looking up at the sky full of stars, Amy leaning softly against Cas’ shoulder and listening to the slow thump-thump of his heartbeat. Cas said nothing, just let her stay and was silently thankful for the company.

Over in Dean’s cabin, he sat alone at a table and stared down at the .45 that could’ve ended his friend’s life. And for a brief moment, he thought about picking it up, and ending his own. 

The day was grey and rainy outside. Dean said they needed to be extra careful because the Croats were more likely to come around in the rain. He had taken Amy and Cas into the “meeting room” as he called it, and was stepping back to watch Cas show Amy how to field strip a gun. Amy watched carefully, but she was a bit unsteady. Firing a gun was one thing, knowing the intricate workings of it was another. They weren’t going to be here long enough for her to actually need this knowledge surely. But Dean was insistent, and it could come in handy one day. As a child, she never imagined she’d be using guns against zombie-creatures one day.

Dean said nothing as he stood over Cas and watched him go over the instructions with Amy again and again. Cas’ hands, once smooth and perfect and seemingly unscathed, now appeared rough and worn and dirty. He had a scar across his left palm from where he had grabbed a knife, to keep a possessed camper from stabbing Dean almost a year ago. Dean remembered that night, and how much he had scolded Cas. But Cas just washed the blood off, said everything was fine, and Dean had kissed his fingers. Kissed every inch of his hands and his forearms until they were lip locked and falling into Cas’ bed, which back then wasn’t occupied by near as many women. No, back then the bed belonged to them. They would kiss and wrestle for a bit, and sometimes Dean would let Cas win just because Cas got this certain look on his face when he thought he had bested Dean.

“Dean? Dean!” Cas’ voice broke through Dean’s thoughts, and Dean snapped to attention. “You weren’t even paying attention were you? Amy just did it perfectly, and you missed it.” He sighed, “Do it again.”

“Again?!” Amy protested.

“Hey, practice makes perfect. Now come on, show me again.” Cas leaned back in his chair, reaching into his pocket for a rolled joint. He didn’t lite it, just stuck it in his mouth like he was saving it for later. The way he tilted his head to one side and crossed his legs echoed of Dean.

Amy had just started to dismantle the gun again, when another interruption burst into the room. This time it was Rory, panting for breath with a grin plastered on his face.

“What?” Amy said, “What’s going on?”

“He’s here.” Rory finally spoke, “The Doctor. He’s here.”

Amy gasped delightedly, pushing her chair back from the table and running outside. Rory took her hand as she ran out of the cabin, and they sprinted across the grounds to the place where Rory had seen the TARDIS. Dean and Cas, both looking a little confused, hurried after them, curious as to whom this Doctor person was.

***

The Doctor stepped out of those creaky blue doors, looking around at the grey sky and the desolate landscape. In his hand he held the twin to the walkie he had given Rory, tapping at it repeatedly and holding it up to his ear while it squeaked and beeped and whistled. He turned in a circle, surveying the area, and by the time he had made a complete 360 he saw Amy and Rory running toward him.

“Doctor!” Amy called to him delightedly. She reached for him and threw her arms around his neck, and he hugged her tightly, twirling around.

“There you are Amy Pond! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! And oh…Rory!” The Doctor grinned and attacked Rory with a hug as well, also twirling him around at which Amy giggled. “Oh this is so good. My Ponds are both here and in one piece, this is so good.” He smiled as he reached out to stroke Amy’s cheek. “Now, where in the world are we?”

“We’re actually on Earth…Missouri 2013.” Amy said.

“Well that’s not very exciting.” the Doctor said, “If you’re going to get transported to some random location in the middle of a time rift, you think you’d end up somewhere more exciting.”

“But Doctor, this place is…different. The people here, they have a bit of a zombie apocalypse on their hands.”

“What?” the Doctor’s eyes went wide, “Like in the films?” Rory nodded, “Fantastic!”

As Amy and Rory continued to bring the Doctor up to date on what they had learned at Camp Chitaqua, Dean and Cas lurked around a nearby corner. Cas made a move to step out, only to have Dean grab him by the shirt collar and roughly yank him backwards to that he was flush against Dean’s body.

“If you want to fuck me Dean, just ask.” Cas teased.

“Shut up.” Dean whispered harshly.

When they saw Amy and Rory turn to bring their mysterious new friend their direction, they managed to silently sneak their way back into the meeting room where Amy and Rory would have presumed to leave them, and that’s where they were when the pair, now accompanied by the Doctor walked through the door.

“Um…Cas, Dean, this is our friend. The Doctor.” Amy said, ushering the Doctor toward them.

“Doctor of what?” Dean asked.

“Everything and nothing really.” The Doctor replied, extending a hand to Dean, who shook it hesitantly. “Just call me the Doctor, everyone does. Or just Doctor, you can drop the ‘the’, no need for formalities. We’re all friends here right? Or at least we will be.”

There was a pause.

“And I thought I was out of it.” Cas remarked.

“I supposed the two of you will be leaving soon then.” Dean said, eyeing Amy and Rory.

“I suppose we will.” Rory said.

“Well…actually, don’t pack your bags just yet. That time rift we were caught in gave the TARDIS quite the fight. It’s a miracle I was able to get to you as soon as I was. But I’m afraid she’s wiped, going to need at least two days before I know she’s safe for travel.”

“Better call Chuck.” Cas remarked. He was fiddling with the gun he had been teaching Amy with earlier, starting to get that itch for his amphetamines, or that joint he had put back in his pocket from earlier. He was staring so hard at the gun, that he almost didn’t notice the heavy weight of the Doctor’s stare on him.

“What was your name?” the Doctor asked, looking at Cas quite seriously.

“Cas.”

He frowned, stepping in front of Amy to get a closer look at Cas, “I know you.”

Cas froze and looked up from the gun, his eyes wide and confused, “Um, no, you don’t.”

“No, I do. I know you.”

“Look, I’m pretty sure I would remember a prior meeting with a crazy man in a big blue box. I may be stoned more often than not these days, but I would definitely remember that.” Cas pushed his chair back, standing and walking out the door. The Doctor followed him out, stopping at the cabin steps as he continued on.

“I know it’s you. Castiel.” Cas froze in his steps at the sound of his real name. The Doctor continued, “We’ve met before. But not this you…it was another you, a different you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cas said, finally turning to face him. “I’m the only me there is.” The Doctor’s face remained stoic, his eyes strongly fixed on Cas. Cas’ expression was much less together, his lips quivering and his eyes threatening to give his feelings away. He may not have had his angel powers anymore, but he could sense something from this man. It was something he hadn’t sensed in a long time, and it frightened him.

***

Cas sank down onto the pile of pillows that adorned his cabin floor, grabbing the nearest open bottle and taking a big gulp, letting the warm liquid wash over him and sting his throat. Who was this man who called himself The Doctor? And how could he possibly have known his real name? Only Dean and Chuck knew that, and he hadn’t been called anything but ‘Cas’ for years now, especially not since the angels left. This man having the audacity to address him by that name made him feel sick, or maybe it was just hearing the name again after all these years. He had tried to put away everything that had made him Castiel. He took another swig from the bottle, and stared at the remaining liquid. He didn’t think there was enough left for the desired effect, he still had quiet the alcohol tolerance. So he reached into a nearby drawer for the pills he kept there.

“Cas?” Dean walked in, his eyes narrowed as he found Cas on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“Going on vacation.” Cas replied, popping a pill down his throat.

“Look.” Dean grunted, “I don’t know how this Doctor guy knew your name and I know it’s freaking you out, but I need you to not go visit Mr. Kite’s circus today, ok? Got me Cas?”

Cas giggled, “I don’t understand why you do this Dean. Why do you ignore me for days, sometimes weeks at a time, and then all of a sudden decide you need me. Is that why you were being so nice the other night? You want me to play sidekick for you on some mission, is that it? Why do you only want me around as a convenience Dean?”

Dean shook his head, “Cas, don’t do this.”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“This is my cabin! I have the right to say who I do and don’t want to allow inside of it, and right now, I want you to take your big head and your smart-ass mouth, Dean Winchester, and get out!”

Dean scowled as Cas whirled around, bottle in hand and took another drink. Bitchy Cas was his least favorite person, because bitchy Cas always wanted to drown his sorrows, and he would take whatever he could find lying around the cabin. The last time Cas got in one of these moods he managed to get his hands on an ecstasy tablet and then decided to go chug vodka. Dean ended up in his cabin at five AM with both of them under a blanket, Dean holding Cas while he came down and occasionally having to get up with him so he could vomit into the toilet. It was a long uncomfortable night for both of them, and a repeat of it was the last thing Dean wanted.

“Is he okay?” Amy asked, watching Dean walk across the porch and down the steps to them.

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” The Doctor said, looking concerned.

“Just…” Dean sighed and looked to Amy, “Check on him. He won’t throw you out.”

“He threw you out?” Rory asked.

Dean just grunted and walked off, muttering something about going over supplies with Chuck. The trio turned toward the cabin door, and Amy started in. But before she could get far she felt a hand come down on her shoulder, and looked back at the Doctor.

He smiled at her, and then sauntered past them and up the creaky cabin steps, through the beaded curtains in the doorway. Amy and Rory exchanged a glance as he disappeared inside, and they rushed to a nearby window to see if they could hear what was going on.

***

The man the Doctor walked in on was not the Castiel he had met before, that he already knew. This Castiel had a dimness in his eyes and something broken about his smile. He did things the other Castiel would be ashamed of, that even the old Dean would be ashamed of, and something about that broke the Doctor’s hearts. When the Doctor stepped into the cabin and looked around at the pillows flung here and there, the overturned empty bottles, and even the pills strewn on the floor now, it made him shudder somewhere deep inside. He wanted to help everyone that he possibly could, but this Castiel he feared, may have been too far gone.

Cas wished the drugs would work faster. He sat curled up on his floor with one of his pillows in his lap, staring at the doorway, not sure what he was waiting for but expecting it to walk in any moment.  He got his wish it seemed, when the funny English-man waltzed in. Cas chucked as he noticed his bowtie. What sort of person wore a bowtie?

The Doctor turned towards him, approaching slowly, “Castiel?”

“No!” Cas yelled. He closed his eyes as if he could block out the name that way, by hiding himself in his own darkness. “Get out of my house. You’re not welcome here.”

“Please. I just want to talk to you, Castiel.”

“Stop calling me that. That is not my name.” Cas groaned, “That name belonged to a guy who was all about obedience and righteousness. Look around, does anything here seem righteous to you? Maybe I should take a few more of these…” He picked up a small blue pill, “That should make things feel more righteous.”

Cas was stopped by the Doctor’s sudden hand on his wrist, and he met his dark eyes with a cold stare.

“Casti…Cas. Please. Let me talk to you.”

“Look.” Cas said sternly, “I don’t know who you are or how you know that name or how you managed to get past the hot zones packed full of Croats in your little blue box to get here, but I don’t care. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some sorrows to drown.”

“I’m a Time Lord.”

For the second time today Cas found himself frozen on the spot, unable to take another step due to what he had just heard.

“Shut up. There’s no such thing.”

“Isn’t there?” The Doctor coyly cocked an eyebrow.

Cas spun back around, walking right up to the Doctor, hovering inches away from his face and tilting his head in that way old Cas would have when he didn’t understand something. Certain mannerisms were hard to shake. He knew something about the Doctor felt different than most of the human beings he encountered these days, and more like the angels he used to associate with. Time Lords were something of a fairy tale. Something the angels heard wild stories about. Time Lords jumping through the very fabric of time and space itself, saving worlds, stopping armies. But they were only stories. Only angels could do that.

Cas stared up at the Doctor, “You’re not supposed to exist.”

“Neither are you. A fallen angel, gone mortal, remaining on earth to fight the devil alongside the human he fell in love with. And you think no one knows.” The Doctor smirked that familiar smirk that so many had come to know, hovering in Cas’ own personal space bubble. “I wondered why the TARDIS had flung Amy and Rory here. Out of all the places they could’ve ended up, why here? And now I understand. It was you.”  The Doctor picked up one of the empty liquor bottles, looking through the foggy glass and to Cas’ form on the other side. Lowering it, he met eyes with the man before him, and asked him one simple question, “What’s the matter Cas?.” He paused, “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.”

Cas said nothing, did nothing, for a moment could not feel anything of the world around him until he felt one hot tear tumble down his cheek.

“No need to cry, Cas.” The Doctor said softly, in a comforting tone.

Cas shook his head, reaching up to wipe the tear away, “Funny thing about being human. Comes with emotions. Stupid things, all of them.”

“So you lock them away. You hide them, hide yourself.” The Doctor paced around him, “But you can’t hide forever Cas. Sooner or later, someone will turn up on your doorstep, and you’re going to have to come out.”

Cas frowned, “Someone will turn up on my doorstep? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It’s not important right now. Now, why don’t you have a seat? We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

***

The click of the turning doorknob startled Amy from her concentration, this time practicing with the gun Dean had given her. The Doctor walked in the door, and she seemed surprised to see him.

“Where’s Rory?” He inquired.

“Sleeping. Doctor, have you been talking with Cas this whole time?”

“There was a lot to talk about.”  The Doctor replied. He looked down at the gun she held, its shiny metal frame gleaming off the moonlight. It made him proud that someone could teach her this, though he hoped she would never have to use the knowledge. “I suppose I’ll go curl up in the TARDIS, nice and cozy in there. See you in the morning then Pond.”

“Doctor?” The Doctor stopped and turned to meet Amy’s gaze, “You didn’t tell him everything, did you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know that look you’ve got. You’re hiding something. You didn’t tell him everything. Why?”

“I told him what I knew he could handle. You’ve been here for several days already Amy, you’ve spent time with him, I know you see how broken he is. The Castiel I met was strong and powerful and he would go to his death to save the people he cared about. That Castiel is still in there somewhere, he just has to believe it.”

“It’s not going to get better for him, is it?”

“It will. For a while.”

“And then?”

The Doctor managed a smile, “Only time will tell.”

***

The next morning, the camp was quiet. Amy saw some residents she hadn’t met going to and from their cabin with the breakfast that was supplied, Rory nodded a hello at Chuck who was carrying boxes of unknown items back to his cabin, and when they got to where the food was the Doctor was already there chewing noisily on a sausage.

“Amy! Rory! You’ve got to try these! Risa’s cooking is fantastic!”

“Least she’s good for something.” Cas muttered.

It got him an angry elbow in the stomach.

It was an odd scene, time travelers and post-apocalyptic survivors sharing a meal of eggs, sausage, and bread. A buffet it was not, but it was plenty for what they had. In the short time they had been here, Amy and Rory felt very close to their new friends. Amy almost wished they could stay. She worried so about Cas.

Cas stood up almost on cue, portions of his plate remaining untouched.

“You’re not going to finish?” Rory asked.

“Nah, just going to take this.” Cas held up his juice glass, “I need some orange juice to put in my vodka.”  As he swung the door open one of the young blonde girls was walking in, and Cas smiled at her, “Kelly! Coming over later?”

There was no verbal response, just a giggle and a nod and that seemed to satisfy Cas. He gave the girl a quick smack on the ass and sauntered off. Risa eyed Dean sideways, “He gets that from you, you know.”

“What? I never did that.” Dean protested.

Gulping down the rest of the food on his plate, the Doctor excused himself from the table and hurried out to the TARDIS, to see if maybe the night’s rest had given her the reserves she would need to get them out of here. The door stood open and he stepped into her massive interior, heading over to check the console, when there was a knock at the door.

“Cas?”

Cas lingered just outside the doors, looking around tentatively as if both frightened and amazed, “So it’s true. It’s everything I used to hear about when I was young.”

“Yes it is.” The Doctor smiled, “Now, can I help you with something?”

Cas took a deep breath, “I want to see it.”

“You want to see…what?”

“The future. I want you to take me.”

“You want to see your future?”

The Doctor was hoping against hope that Cas wouldn’t make this request of him. He knew bringing up the subject of the future and his alternate self was dangerous, but Cas was in such a low place, it was a decision made in a moment of desperation. The former angel starred at the Time Lord for an answer,  the Doctor caught in a sudden war of his own judgment. 

During the next few days that passed, Amy and Rory started to learn how things worked around the camp. Dean would take Amy out with Jake, Parker and Risa for target practice. Chuck had taken to showing Rory some ins and outs around the camp, how they tried to make sure they had all the supplies they needed, how to get more when items ran low. There was a lot of looting involved. Chuck said the nearby towns were almost completely empty, and if anyone was still living in them they were probably trapped in their homes for all the Croats roaming the streets.

Cas explained the Croats. Told them about Sam, and Lucifer, and the virus. He said years back there was an isolated incident, a town in Oregon. Fifteen dead. Sam had been immune, though at the time he didn’t know the reason. After Lucifer took over, he was able to access the virus in Sam’s system and use it to infect others. He started the chain.

“It’s been a year.” Cas said. “First it was just small towns, and then the virus hit Chicago. After that it started spreading like wildfire. People tried to leave the country, airports got shut down. Before you could blink entire cities were dead. Men were marching off with guns in large groups and shooting anything that moved funny. Dean and I had gotten Chuck, and we were heading for the border.”

“So, why did you stay here?” Rory asked.

“Lucifer. He moved in. Though I don’t know why he chose here of all places.” Cas chuckled, “Did you know, part of the Mormon’s beliefs is that Jackson County was the location of the original Garden of Eden? Ironic. If only they could see it now, taken over by the devil.”

“What happens then? If Dean kills Lucifer?” Amy asked.

“I don’t think any of us have thought that far ahead. These days, you don’t even know if you’re going to be alive next week. No use in planning the party now.”

“I thought you had a party every night, Cas.”

The three of them looked up at the sound of Dean’s voice, seeing him hugging the door frame with a large .67 rifle in his hand. “Risa and I are going to do some patrolling around the grounds. You want to come, Amy?”

“Oh! I uh…” Amy looked over at Rory. She felt like she was stomping on his masculinity as of late, being asked by other men to go out and shoot guns with them. Rory wasn’t incompetent with guns, just less experienced. “Actually I wanted to stay here and talk with Cas some more. Could you take Rory?”

“What?!” Rory yelped.

“Yeah, I don’t think we’ll find anything, so we can take Rory. But I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. We don’t cater to stragglers.” He said no more and turned to leave. Risa came behind him wearing her scowl and tossed Rory a gun. Her eyes then fell to Amy.

“You sure you want to stay here? At noon this place becomes a harem or a rave or…well I’m really not sure what goes on.”

“Oh, I’m not going too…”

Cas draped his arm around Amy’s shoulder, “We’ll be fine Risa. Now scamper off.”

Risa left with a groan. Amy tentatively looked over at Cas, who seemed more than comfortable to sit there with his arm possessively around her shoulder. Amy grimaced. “No offense Cas, but you know I’m not going too…”

“Of course I know.” Cas removed his arm, standing and walking over to his table. He leaned over it and got very close, picking up a small white pill. He held it close to his face and turned it around between his fingers, studying it. Finally he picked up a nearby liquor bottle, and brought it down to crush the pill in half.

“Have you ever….with Risa?”

“No!” Cas’ response suggested that he was appalled Amy would even ask such a thing.

“Well I thought maybe it was a jealousy thing. The reason she talks to you like she does.”

“The only reason Risa talks like she does is because she’s a bitch.” He swallowed down a half of the pill, and slipped the other half into his shirt pocket. “No, Risa isn’t the one who’s jealous.”

Without hesitation Amy spoke, “Dean?”

“How did you ever guess?” Cas smiled, though there was more behind that smile than Amy could see right now.

“I don’t know. Something, just, about the way you look at him. Changes in the air. You can feel it. He cares a lot about you.”

“I used to think so too. I used to think Dean could take away the pain, and when he wasn’t there I had the drugs or the alcohol or something to disconnect me. Dean said it was too much, that I wasn’t his Cas anymore. He got distance, I got stoned, rinse, repeat, it turned into a twisted cycle.” He sighed, sinking down onto the couch, Amy coming over to sit beside him. “Chuck knows about our past thing. But no one else.”

Amy heard the beaded curtain shuffle and looked up to see a cute blonde girl and a long-haired brunette poking their heads in. Of course, right on schedule, she thought. Cas waved at the girls as if to usher them in.

“Cas you don’t have to be like this. You don’t have to hide behind the girls and the drugs. You can fix it if you…”

“Really want too?” Cas shook his head, “You don’t understand Amy. I don’t even know where I am now. Dean led me here, and then he left me. I feel lost.” He got up from the bed and walked over to the two girls, putting his arms around their waists. The three of them walked together into a small sectioned off room with a curtain drawn around it, and Cas moved it to let them through. He watched the door as another two girls scurried in, one dark complected, the other with a long braid. The girl with the braid paused when she saw Amy.

“Is she..?”

“No, she’s not with us Bridget. Come on.”

Bridget smiled at Amy, even waved. She couldn’t have been more than twenty-one at most. Amy wondered if her family was still alive, how long she had been here? As she too disappeared through the curtain, Cas smiled sadly back at Amy, and then followed the girls inside.

***

The orange leaves of fall crunched under Rory’s feet as he walked through the brush with the group of them. Everyone kept their guns lowered, but prepared to fire at a moment’s notice. Rory was holding his a bit too tightly, and his hands were beginning to cramp, but he hoped Dean wouldn’t notice. He looked around at the trees, the sky a clear blue, the faint sound of birds overhead. Right now it was hard to believe this was a post-apocalyptic world where people were struggling for survival. He wondered how much longer they would be here before the Doctor arrived.

“Looks clear today.” Risa said.

“We should go a little further.” Jake remarked, “Just to be sure.”

Rory saw Risa roll her eyes, but Jake must’ve missed it because he didn’t say anything. Dean was slightly ahead playing his leader role, and he motioned for them to follow. Rory scanned the grounds again. They were about 60 feet from the nearest entrance to the camp, he wondered how quickly they could run back if they had too. “You okay Ginger?” Risa asked.

“Fine. And would you stop calling me that? The name’s Rory.” He responded.

 “Will you two pipe down?” Dean snapped. “Keep quiet, and pay attention. I thought I heard something.”

Rory hadn’t actually seen a Croat since that first day they had come here, though sprinting through the woods like marathon runners left either of them little chance to see exactly what was chasing them. They only saw what looked like people, but pale and glassy-eyed, staggering in their steps and yet they could maneuver through the forest at breakneck speed, and the sounds they made. Just grunts and growls and snarls, like wild animals. After that introduction, he certainly did not wish to see one up close.

He was also less skilled with the guns than the others, and he assumed Dean only brought him along because he felt sorry for him. He would hear no end of it from Risa if any of them had to step in to save his ass.

“Fall back.” Dean directed, “Looks clear right now. Let’s get back to camp, make sure we’re well stocked on ammo and check all the fence alarms. It’s been quiet too long, they may be coming soon.”

As if she had been waiting for her cue, a dark-haired girl appeared in front of Dean from nowhere. Her eyes flashed black and Dean’s lips curled into a sneer. “Winchester.” She hissed at him. The rest of them held the guns up, ready to fire, Rory trying to hide his trembling fingers. Risa saw one approaching behind Dean and she quickly fired at its head, sending blood flying. The demon girl shrieked. Dean was startled by the shot so close to him, and that was all it took for her to grab his rifle from him and slam the butt of it into his head. He staggered back, bracing himself against a tree trunk as his head now throbbed with pain.

“Dean!” Rory called to him, twirling to fire a shot at the demon.

“That doesn’t work on them Ginger!” Risa yelled. “We have to get out of here!”

Rory noticed Dean staggering to his feet, his hand reaching up to gently touch the bleeding wound on his temple. Risa and Jake were still firing and had already started moving out of the clearing, back towards the fence. Rory dropped his gun and went to Dean, a hand bracing against his chest, Dean’s arm draped around Rory’s shoulders. “Jake! Help me!”

“We’ll move faster without him!” Risa cried.

“I’m not going to leave him!”

Jake groaned, scanning the trees he saw none coming at the moment so he hurried to Rory and got on the other side of Dean. “You know if I were you,” Dean muttered, “I would’ve left you here.”

“I know.” Rory replied.

***

So as to distract herself from worrying about Rory, after Amy had left Cas she holed up in their cabin and found a book to read. She wasn’t sure what she was reading about. Gods and monsters and things that go bump in the night. Not the most pleasant of reading material, but it sufficed as it was all she could find right now. She thought about trying to contact the Doctor on the walkie again, eyeing it on the small nightstand.

The serenity she had found in the cabin was disrupted when she heard the clamour outside. Rising to her feet, she went to the door and looked out, noticing Jane standing nearby. “What’s going on? Are they back?”

“Yes, but I think someone was hurt.” Jane answered.

Amy dropped her book and quickly hurried over.

She made her way into Chuck’s cabin where he and this morning’s patrol group were standing clustered together, Rory among them, Dean sitting on the bed. Rory broke away when he saw Amy come in, and went to hug her.

“You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Dean’s the one who took a hit.”

“Should’ve been paying more attention.” Dean groaned. He winced as Chuck looked at the place on his head that now was caked in dried blood. “And you!” He eyed Rory, “I told you, we don’t cater to stragglers. There could’ve been more Croats out there just waiting for you to drop your guard. You shouldn’t have wasted your time on me.”

“Dean, you’re not a waste of time.” Chuck said.

“Don’t you get mushy on me.” Dean snarked.

Rory smirked, “I’m not going to apologize for helping you.”

The cabin fell silent and everyone looked to Dean. Dean looked Rory in the eye and simply nodded. Amy sighed, leaning her head on Rory’s shoulder. That was good enough.

“You took a pretty good hit. You should probably stay awake for a few hours more to make sure you don’t have a concussion or anything. I’m sure you’ll be fine, but why don’t you just stay in here tonight.” Chuck said, “Beds already made, there’s pain pills in the cabinet if you need any, and alcohol to get the blood cleaned up.”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it.” Dean said.

Amy looked around, she had noticed Jane follow her inside but someone was definitely missing from this group. She patted Rory on the back, pulling away from him. She smiled to signal that everything was okay, she was just stepping out. Once out the door, she hurried over to Cas’ cabin.

***

Amy ran up the steps to Cas’ cabin and inside. She had to stop almost immediately in her track to keep from stumbling over a girl who was sleeping in front of the doorway. Amy made a disgruntled face at the sleeping girl, and looked further inside. The pillows on the floor had been strewn every which way, and some of them contained more sleeping girls. “Cas?” A curtain moved, and she saw him step out of the room he had gone into with the girls earlier.

“Amy. Did you come back to see me?”

Amy watched him walked toward her, his movements awkward and unsteady.

“Cas, how stoned are you right now?”

“Oh not that bad, I’ve only had…” He started counting on his fingers, what Amy wasn’t sure, but when he got up to six she grabbed his hands and held them between her own.

“Ok, stop. Listen to me. Dean got hurt, he’s in Chuck’s cabin.” She saw Cas’ eyes widen, his lips part slightly as his tongue flicked out to swipe across his bottom lip. “He’ll be alright but, I think you should go see him.”

Cas chuckled, smiling that sad smile Amy had come to recognize, “Amy what do you think is going to happen if I go over there? You think I’m going to run to Dean’s side and cry and declare my love for him because some Croat caught him off guard and he got a little hurt? This is the end of the world. And I have been here, from the beginning. I have gone to Dean’s side when he’s been hurt more times than I can remember. You think he cares that I’m not there right now?”

“It shouldn’t matter if he cares. It shouldn’t matter if he hates you for being there, even if he tells you to leave. Whether he’s broken his arm, or got a black eye, or taken a good hit to the head like this time, by the way in case you wanted to know.” Amy stated, staring Cas down. “You go, because you do love him. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him.”

Cas was quiet. He didn’t quite know how to come back to that, Amy wasn’t like the girls he usually spent time around. He couldn’t make her giggle and swoon by saying pretty things and feeding her alcohol. No, Amy was observant. She noticed things that most of the people around here had long ago decided they no longer had time for. It was annoying. But Cas couldn’t help but like her.

“Fine.” He conceded. “I understand.”

“So you’ll go?”

“I’m not saying I will, but…I’m not saying I won’t.”

“Just think about it. That’s all I ask.” Amy turned and walked out, again taking care not to step on the sleeping girl. Cas watched her leave before he sank against the wall and let himself slip down to the floor.

***

Hours passed and the camp grew quiet. The men on night watch stood their guard as the rest headed to bed. All the cabins were dark, save for a dim light coming from Chuck’s cabin. Cas watched the light as he walked across the grounds, ignoring the fluttering in his chest. He shouldn’t feel like this, it was foolish. It had been months now since he and Dean had their time together. They never spoke of it, and he did all he could to never think of it. Thinking he had messed up their relationship was something Cas could not bear. He had already betrayed heaven, lost his family, and fallen. To admit he had pushed Dean away would be too much.

He opened the cabin door. The moonlight coming in the window fell over Dean’s face as he slept, giving the illusion that he was some sweet innocent man. Cas snickered, as he knew far better. “Oh Dean, you’re a damn fool.” Cas muttered.

He looked around the room to Dean’s clothes in a pile at the foot of the bed, his rifle propped up against the wall. He knew Chuck was also sleeping in the joining room, so he took care to stay quiet. He was about to leave, when a gruff voice broke the silence.

“Get over here and sit down.”

Dean didn’t need to ask twice. Cas snickered, turning back and taking a seat in the chair next to the bed.

“I heard you took a pretty nice blow to the head.”

Dean groaned, “Damn demon startled me. It could happen to anyone.” Even in the dark Dean could tell Cas was smiling, and he frowned. “Don’t you laugh. I didn’t see you out there helping. What’s with that Cas?”

“I was under the impression you didn’t want me there.”

“That’s not true. I could definitely use you. Jake’s got about all he can handle, Parker’s a crap shot, and Risa…well she’s so hot-headed and trigger-happy I’m afraid she’s going to take out all of us one of these days if we’re not careful.”

“You should just throw her to the Croats.” Cas said.

It was brief, but there in the dark of the musty cabin, for the first time in longer than Cas could recall right now, Dean laughed. Dean actually, genuinely laughed. The way he used to, like Cas remembered. Eyes crinkled, head thrown back. It made Cas feel good to know he was still capable of that. “Sometimes I wish I could.” He chuckled, and sighed. And just like that, the moment was over. “Thing are only going to get worse Cas, and I don’t know about these kids sticking around.”

“They aren’t kids Dean. And they said their friend was coming to get them.”

“Damn it Cas, that’s crazy talk. Even if there is someone out there coming for them, how the hell are they going to get through those woods in one piece? We’ve got the rations to keep them around, and it’s not like I mind, that’s sort of why we found this place. But I just…I hate to….”

“Dean, believe it or not, you are not the sole person responsible for everyone’s life. Amy’s a fast learner and a good shot, Rory helped you today and he’s been hitting the books with Chuck. They’re both fine.”

“They don’t belong here, Cas.”

“Dean, none of us do.”

Cas looked Dean straight in the eye, and both men were quiet. The night swallowed up all the sound and even the chirp of crickets outside seemed to fade away into the blackness. Dean Winchester sat with the person who was now his oldest friend, and though he would never admit it, one of the best he ever had. The moment was opened for a lot of things to happen. Apologies, a touch, that place in the back of Dean’s mind that thought about grabbing Cas and pulling him down onto the bed and kissing those soft, full lips of his like Dean had before.

But Dean didn’t do any of those things. Instead Dean simply looked over at Cas, sitting with his legs crossed and staring starry-eyed out the window, because truth be told he was probably still buzzed, and he smirked.

“Bitch.”

Without missing a beat, Cas smiled and replied, “Jerk.” 

The wet ground beneath Amy’s feet squished against the soles of her shoes, and mud flung itself upward to cling to the exposed parts of her white socks. Her jacket snagged on a tree branch, and her fingers grasped at something dirty and then fell through her hair, but she didn’t stop. She didn’t care. Rory kept a close distance behind her, not close enough to hold her hand, for running made that difficult. But enough to reach out and touch her and to remind her that he was there. “Hurry Rory!” Amy called to him. The two of them flew over the sticks and rocks and never dared pause to look back at their pursuers. For they had seen their faces all too clearly before. The grotesque wrinkled faces of human beings who no longer had their human senses, but had instead been transformed into monsters. Only resembling the people they once were.

Rory’s breath came heavy as he was getting more and more winded from running. He wanted to stop, but they couldn’t. Not out here. Not until they found some place they would be safe. Rory prayed that the TARDIS would appear in front of them right at this very moment, but it didn’t. It had been two days now since a time rift had shaken the TARDIS off its path and planted them here, separating them from the Doctor. He just hoped they could survive long enough for him to find them.

“Bloody zombies!” Rory yelled, dodging a fallen log.

Amy sprinted ahead of him, stopping at the trunk of a large tree whose branches hung low enough for the leaves to tickle her face. She tried to catch her breath, fanning herself as sweat formed on her brow.

Catching up to her, Rory gave a quick look behind them, “Come on, let’s go. They could be right behind us.”

“I…I can’t…I need…to rest.” Amy panted.

The sound of a branch breaking under a footfall made them both stop.

“Go. Go! Go, go, go, go, go!” Rory shoved Amy forward, urging her on. They couldn’t risk thinking they were safe now, something was still nearby and coming for them.

As they ran, Amy could feel her legs starting to feel like heavy weights on her. Each step became a slow effort just to pick up her foot and set it down again. She was exhausted. “Rory, I can’t.” She could hear someone else in the woods coming toward them. If they stopped now, she didn’t know if she would have enough energy to fight off whatever these things were. Where was the Doctor in all this? Shouldn’t he be swooping in with his brilliant plans and his sonic screwdriver to save the day sometime around now? In her mind she was screaming for him, but nobody came.

Amy stopped, dropping to her knees.

“Amy, don’t stop!”

Amy felt Rory’s hand pulling at her shirt, and then a shot rang out.

They both screamed, Rory stumbling to the ground beside her, thinking they were the ones being shot at.

Another shot came.

“You two!”  They looked up, meeting eyes with a shaggy haired man in an army jacket holding a rifle, “Get down!”  They obeyed without a word, and the man fired off another round of shots, though they couldn’t see exactly what he was shooting at. “Let’s go! This way!” Amy and Rory quickly got to their feet and followed after him. The path took a sharp turn and before too long they could see a clearing with cabins in the distance.

Amy was perplexed at the thought that people were living out here, but she had no time to ponder the reasons why now. Rory grabbed her hand, and they hurried to keep up with the man holding the rifle.

***

He had instructed them to follow him inside one of the cabins, and they listened, pushing past a beaded curtain that hung in his doorway. The inside was larger than the outside suggested. There were numerous pillows strewn around the floor, a table and two chairs, a chest, and a good-sized bed with the blankets tossed every which way. On the table were several alcohol bottles, pill bottles, and a rolled joint. The man set the rifle on the floor beside the chest, and headed for the table, grabbing one of the tall bottles of some type of liquor. He took a big swig, and then offered them a drink.

“No thanks.” Rory said, throwing a confused glance to Amy.

“You two are lucky I happened to be out today. There were only a few of them after you.”

“Only a few?” Amy asked. “I’d rather none of them had been after us, thank you very much. What the hell are they?”

The man stared blankly at them, “What are they?! Where have you been?!”

“We uh…” Amy fidgeted, “We just got into town.”

“Yeah well you picked a hell of time for a holiday sweetheart. I suggest you two climb back into whatever plane, train, or horse n’ buggy brought you here, and get the hell out of dodge.”

“Love too.” Rory said, “But..that’s not exactly an option. It’s um…it’s complicated Mr. uh…”

“Cas. People call me Cas.” Cas held up the bottle and nodded at them as something of a greeting gesture.

“I’m Amy, that’s Rory, my husband.”

“Oh you’re married? Well, kudos to you. Here.” He thrust the bottle into Amy’s hands, “Consider it a wedding present.” Neither Amy nor Rory were sure of what to make of this man. He seemed a bit off his rocker. But then, he had come to their rescue, so they could at least be polite. “Now uh…what were you saying?” Before they could respond, a short woman with dark hair and dressed in a similar military style marched into the room, her hands firmly on her hips as she scowled at him. “Hello Risa.”

The woman, Risa, did not take her eyes off of Cas for a moment, “I’m so sick of your bullshit Cas! Dean is on my ass because you told me you would take care of the night watch duties, and now the south fence is broken because you weren’t out there. We’re lucky none of them got in! You better go and tell Dean it was your fault, because I’m not going to be your scapegoat.”

Risa stomped over to where Cas stood and even though she was smaller than him, she stared him down with an angry scowl. Amy didn’t know who this woman was, but she made a mental note to never get her angry.

“Ok, how about you take two steps back and put away your crazy?” Cas remarked snarkily. “I fell asleep in my cabin, I’m sorry.”

“You were getting stoned in your cabin you mean!” She yelled.

“It won’t happen again.”

“Save it, Cas. We’ve all heard your bullshit before.”

“But lucky for these two I was still here, or else I wouldn’t have heard them screaming in the forest.”

Risa frowned, as if her face could scrunch up any more, “Who are they? You know Dean doesn’t like strangers in here Cas. What if they’re infected?”

“They’re not! They’re fine, trust me.”

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Rory piped up. “I’m uh…” He stuck out his hand to her and started to introduce himself, but Risa turned into his hand with a flourish of her hair and marched back out the door.

“I’m not here to make friends Ginger. I don’t care who you are, just stay out of my way.”

An awkward pause hung in the air.

“Well she’s peachy.” Amy commented. Cas had the bottle to his lips again and took a big gulp. Just watching him drink made Amy’s throat burn, and she cringed. “Look, we don’t mean to be a bother. If you can just tell us where we can go to avoid those…things, we’ll be on our way.”

“The only place you can go is right where you’re standing.” Cas slumped down onto one of the pillows, “This is the only safe zone for miles. We’ve got food, we’ve got supplies, and we’ve got people who know what the hell they’re doing. Believe me, you don’t want to be out there letting some amateur fire a shot off your back. You’ll both be killed.”

“Hey, I’ve shot a gun before!” Amy defended.

“You hit what you were aiming for?” Cas asked.

“Almost.” Amy replied quietly, shirking back towards Rory.

“Look, this isn’t an ideal situation for anyone around here, and I would suggest we keep you two on the down-low, but I think our fearless leader will notice a couple of redheads talking the Queen’s English around here and suspicions might arise. So I’ll figure out a way to tell him without you both getting shot.”

“Whoa, you guys aren’t like…political anarchists or anything, are you?” Rory asked.

Cas smirked, “Kid, we’re the heroes.”

***

Cas had told them to make themselves comfortable, while he went to break the news of their arrival to the man in charge, who was called Dean. Amy sat at the table, while Rory paced the cabin with a walkie in his hand, tapping at it, hoping to get some sort of signal from the Doctor.

“Rory really, look at this place. You aren’t going to get any sort of signal out here.”

“Well we can’t really loop the Doctor’s technology in with regular stuff, can we?”

“Suppose not.” Amy reached for one of the open bottled on the table and sniffed at it, recoiling her face in disgust. “Rory, what are we going to do? We don’t know how long we’ll be stuck here. And those things…”

“We’ll be fine. Like Cas said, the people here know what they’re up against and they’re prepared. We’ve traveled to the ends of the universe and faced creatures they probably couldn’t even think of. Between the both of us, I wouldn’t worry.”

But Amy was worried. She was worried about the Doctor, about how the jolt from that storm had shaken the TARDIS and landed them here. Where had he ended up? How would he know to find them? The walkie he had Rory carry for emergencies didn’t seem to be working, and they couldn’t exactly tell their new friends they needed to make a long distance call to a Time Lord. They heard the sound of footsteps approaching outside, and Rory quickly hid the walkie inside his jacket.

The beaded curtain of Cas’ doorway curled around his fingertips as he stepped inside and glanced at his guests. Right behind him, another man walked in. Slightly taller, more fair-haired, gruffer looking, wearing a military jacket and a thigh holster strapped to his leg. This had to be Dean. He looked very capable of being their leader. He appeared stern and frightening enough. “Here you go.” Cas said to him, gesturing to Amy and Rory. Dean said nothing as he gave a nod to Cas, and then walked toward them. Amy felt like sinking down into her seat, like grabbing Rory’s hand and hiding behind him. Cas had said Dean was a good guy, but this man was dark and intense. He was a clearly a fighter who had seen more than his fair share of battles. Amy wasn’t about to ask what those battles involved.

“Either of you know how to shoot a gun?” Dean all but grunted in their direction. His voice was like rough water over stones.

Amy slowly raised her hand, “I do. Sort of.”

Dean reached into his coat pocket and tossed a .45 magnum to her. She caught it with some anticipation, holding it gently and looking confusedly back at him. “Come with me.”

***

Amy wasn’t too keen on following after this Dean person. He didn’t say another word to her after his instructions, just turned around and walked out the entryway, clear that he simply expected her to follow him. He did have a rather commanding presence. She had seen the Doctor get like that before when things got really serious, like during the Pandorica incident. She wasn’t sure what Dean had faced in his life, but she could guess it was more bad than good. She looked behind her and saw Rory and Cas lingering on the cabin steps, Cas puffing on another rolled joint.

“Doesn’t that stuff burn your lungs or something?” Rory asked.

“Sometimes…” Cas paused to take a long drag and then blow the smoke out, “Pain is all you have left.”

“Keep up! We don’t cater to stragglers!” Dean barked.

Amy quickened her pace. Dean walked steadily because he knew the grounds and knew exactly where he was going. Amy found herself having to hop over various items strewn in her path. Planks of wood, sheet metal, broken guns, and gas canisters. This place could use some up keep she thought, nearly tripping over a log. “You said you’ve shot a gun before?”

“Yeah.” Amy said, stopping behind him.

“Ok then. Shoot that.”

Amy looks, and about 30 feet in front of her is a wooden figure painted to look like some grotesque thing. Like the things that had chased them.

“That, is a Croat.” Dean began, “That’s what we call someone infected with the Croatoan virus. A virus that makes you go crazy. And there is no cure. Blood to blood contact, a bite, a scratch, and you’re finished. You’ve got about 20 minutes before you start showing signs, and then, it’s one blast straight to the head. No questions. Now.” He continued to pace around Amy, his hands folded behind him like an army general. “This is about as close as you really want to to let a Croat get. Any closer, you’re playing a dangerous game babe.”

“Amy.” She corrected him.

“Right.” Dean cocked an eyebrow at her, her own expression serious and furrowed as she stared back at him. “Also keep in mind these things will be running at you, so you have to be quick. If you stumble, you fall. Like I said, we don’t cater to stragglers.”

***

Back at the cabin, Rory could make out Amy’s red hair, which was like a shock of color in this drab earth-toned world. “What are they doing?”

“He said you both could stay if you were useful. He’s testing her out.” Cas replied.

“But…I’m no good with guns. So, what’s he going to have me do?”

“I don’t know, do I look like I can read his mind kid?” Cas wasn’t about to remark on the irony of that statement, keeping things on a need to know basis.

“Shoot.” Dean instructed Amy.

With shaky hands and unsteady fingers, Amy slowly raised the gun to eye level, and started to line up her target.

“Too slow!” Dean yelled.

Amy jumped at his voice, turning to scowl at him.

“Try again.”

So she started again, raising the gun faster this time, and trying to get the target in her sights as quick as possible. This time, Dean knocked the gun out of her hand.

“Too slow! What did I say? You don’t have time to think about the little details, you just shoot. Now do it.”

Amy wasn’t so sure if she wanted to stick around if this guy was in charge.

She placed the gun in one hand, raised her arms and pulled the trigger. She saw the top corner of the figure splinter as the bullet struck it, right where a person’s temple would be. Dean nodded. “Ok. You pass.”

***

Risa hurried over to Dean as he and Amy approached Cas’ cabin, her face still twisted into that same scowl she was wearing earlier. “Dean! I need a word with you! Did Cas tell you what he did? Or rather, didn’t do?”

“Yeah, he told me.”

“And?” Risa folded her arms across her chest. She did that a lot, Amy noticed.

“And he said it won’t happen again and I believe him. What do you want me to do Ris? Give him a time-out?”

“If it were anyone else you know you wouldn’t have just let them get away with a warning. And what about these two?” She gestured to Amy and Rory.

“Him I don’t know yet. Amy here is a pretty good shot though, she could be useful. Why don’t you go tell Chuck we’re going to need an extra pair of beds tonight.”

“Dean!”

“Risa! Go!”

“I hope we aren’t being too much trouble for you.” Rory said, draping an arm around Amy’s shoulder. “We shouldn’t be staying too long. We’ve got a friend coming for us.”

“Coming for you? Well they’re going to have a hell of a time getting here unless they’re planning on using a helicopter or something.”

“Yeah.” Amy muttered, “Or something.”

***

“So…” Cas sat down on his bed, Amy and Rory still lingering in his cabin while Chuck got the beds ready for then. “This friend of yours that’s supposed to come get you. How is he going to get here? On that note, where did you two even come from?”

“It’s a complicated story.” Amy started. “Our friend he uh…” She looked to Rory for help, her eyes wide and begging.

“He works for the government.” Rory threw in.

Amy wanted to smack him. She could tell by the look on Cas’ face that he also wasn’t buying that for a minute. She watched as he reached over and lit up another joint, wondering what number that was today. She didn’t know how he could be one of their best if he was stoned off his gourd all the time, as he appeared to be. “Look you don’t have to hide anything here. People here, we’re from all walks of life. Some you wouldn’t even believe. And in my time personally, I’ve experienced things you couldn’t even begin to describe. So you’ve got a pal with some secret weapon that can swoop in and take you away from this? Great. I find it hard to believe, but great.”

Amy was hoping this conversation wouldn’t go any further, and just in time Chuck walked through the doorway, meaning their sleeping arrangements were ready. Rory left without a word, and Amy thanked Cas once more, still silently concerned for him. They both followed Chuck outside and across the grounds.

The spare cabin had started to become a second storage, and on such short notice of their new guests, Chuck did little beyond shoving everything into one corner, throwing down a pair of air mattresses and giving Amy and Rory both a pillow and blanket, the thick woolen kind.

“Sorry this is all we have. I know it’s not very comfortable. There’s actually some extra beds in Cas’ cabin that are probably better but…I don’t think you’d want to hang out in there at night. I’m not sure what goes on. I hear sounds.”

The two were quiet.

“No this is great. This is perfect. Thank you.” Amy said, stepping forward and flopping down onto her air mattress with a hard thud. It nearly sank into the floor. “It’ll be fine, thank you.”

“Ok. Um…we usually try and feed everyone by nine. Not sure how much food we have for tomorrow, so come early if you’re really hungry.” Chuck made another apologetic expression.

“And after that?” Rory asked.

“After that…we keep going.”

***

"Say it Cas, say it for me."

He looked up at Cas who was grinding himself down on Dean's cock, rocking his hips back and forth in a rolling fluid motion, his head thrown back and his lips open and parted just so as soft breathey sounds escaped him. 

"Say it." Dean urged again. He thrust himself upward into Cas and the angel moaned at the pleasure of his latest sin.

"Fuck..." Cas softly muttered a word the angels deemed unrighteous. "Fuck...Dean...your cock...so good."

"Yes." Dean smirked, his hands resting just so on Cas' hips as he moved with him. The tight muscles of Cas' ass clenching around his throbbing dick with every movement, precum leaking from Cas' own neglected cock that bobbed against his stomach. Dean reached out just so to stroke his thumb along the head.

Cas' body reacted harshly, his back arching away from Dean. "Oh fuck! Dean, I can't....fuck..fuck..fuck."

"My god hearing you say that word is the hottest thing I've ever heard. Please always say that word. Say it all the time." Dean's head nuzzled deep into his pillow, his mind focused entirely on watching Cas move up and down with himself buried inside the angel's deliciously smackable ass. "Hell Cas, I had no idea you were such a little cockwhore. Hmm? You like my cock, don't you?"

"Yeah." Cas panted, his eyes lidded and heavy with lust. Dean sat up quickly, crushing his mouth into the other man's. Dean's tongue slipped between Cas' lips and tasted the warm wet inside of his mouth. He tasted like nothing Dean had ever experience before. Like spices and saltwater, but sweet, inviting, Dean wanted more. Cas' legs curled around Dean and he edged closer, Dean hard inside him.

"Lay back." Dean whispered, licking a tiny stripe along his jawline.

Cas obeyed, letting Dean guide him as he fell back into the covers, keeping his legs wrapped taunt around Dean, feeling muscles tense and flex around his own. Dean groaned as he rocked into Cas body, his cock twitching at the sensation of Cas humming around him.

"Keep talking. Say it again, Cas."

"I love it when you fuck me Dean."

"Yeah."

"Your cock is so good. Fucking love your cock Dean."

"Oh yeah."

Cas whimpered as Dean moved his knees against Cas' thighs to spread them further apart, making his thrusts faster and deeper.  Dean bit down at the corner of his lower lip, feeling how it was sore and swollen from being ravaged against Cas' teeth. He looked back down at Cas, blue eyes staring straight back at him, pupils blown to all oblivion. His body tingled with a blissful sensation and he wondered if Cas could feel it too.

For a moment their breath and their moans seemed to sync up, each whimper from Cas echoed in Dean's voice. Dean could feel his heartbeat thumping heavy against his chest, and he watched each little pulse that hummed just under Cas' jaw. Leaning down he sucked that area of tender skin between his teeth and Cas gasped loudly.

"Dean..."

Dean slowed his movement, each thrust sharp and lingering, the feeling flowed through Cas like water.

"Tempus o etiam tempus etiam ita sentit...Dean. Donec dictum. O mihi volo ut cum tempus."

Dean smiled against the crook of Cas' neck, "Did you just dirty talk at me in Latin?"

"Yes, I...I believe I did. It was all I could think of at the moment."

Dean all but growled, "That is so fucking hot." 

He grabbed the angel just at the small of his back and pulled him up so that they were face to face again, and he took Cas' wrists in his own hands and held them pinned above his head. Cas made a noise of displeasure as Dean's cock slipped from inside of him. Of course Dean knew this was all Cas' allowance and that if he wished he could have Dean on his back and overpowered in a moment. The fact that Cas allowed him to do this made it so much hotter, his cock twitched at the thought. 

Dean pulled himself up so that his cock would rub against Cas, and he reached down and held both of them in his fist. "I'm gonna make you cum Cas. I want to taste you all over my tongue."

Cas gasped and his voice broke. Dean hadn't done a thing yet and he was already coming apart.

Dean's rough hands moved smooth and slow over their erections, hard flesh against flesh, Dean fingers teasing at the head. He grinned at Cas, and slinked below him, wet lips coming to swallow him down. Cas' hips bucked up off the bed when he felt Dean's mouth on him, Cas' voice trembling in his throat. Dean eagerly sucked at Cas' swollen cock, his lips twitching into a smile every time Cas would moan loudly letting Dean know just how much he was enjoying it. 

"Fuck, Dean, I'm gonna...I'm gonna...oh fuck!"

Dean didn't even stop when he felt the burst of liquid hit the back of throat. His motions slowed a little, but he took it all down like a pro, though he maybe gagged a little. He came off with a wet pop and replaced his mouth with his hand working up and down in a manner that was just slow enough to make Cas dig his fingers into the sheets as he tried to recover. Dean wiped the corners of his mouth and smiled. "You're so fucking hot, Cas." He leaned down and nuzzled at Cas' stomach. "God I'm so hard I feel like I might break. You want to lend a helping hand?" He waggled his eyebrows.

Cas nodded, but made no attempt to move just yet. Dean chuckled at this, snaking back up his body, Cas shuddering when he felt Dean's hardness brush his thigh. "Tell me again." Dean whispered.

"I love when you fuck me, Dean."

Dean sighed, burying his face into Cas' shoulder, "Oh yeah." 

Title: This Is Sin And This Is Good
Author: ceresvulcan
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dean/Fallen!Cas
Spoilers: N/A
Warnings: PWP, first time, top!Dean
Word Count: 2,080
Summary: An argument triggers some buried emotions
A/N: My first actual time writing Dean/Cas sex, so I hope I did ok. Title taken from lyrics in the song "Bodies" by Soul Miner's Daughter. 

The motel door flew open and Dean stomped in, clearly upset. He threw his bag down onto the mattress, watching a cloud of dust erupt from it. He coughed, waving the dust cloud away. "This place is great." He muttered sarcastically, taking his coat off and dropping it on the nearest chair. 

"This is what we could afford." Cas said, coming in behind and dragging his bag along with him. 

"Why'd you have to lug that huge thing in here? My stuff is important, your stuff is just junk."

"It's not junk, Dean." Cas scowled at him.

He was getting good at that. Only one of the many mannerisms Dean noticed Cas had picked up from him in the last 6 months he had been human. He had also picked up Dean's eating habits, and sense of style. Though it saved them time and money to just share clothes, so Dean decided he was fine with that. Some of Dean's clothes seemed to just hang on Cas' small frame, Dean's shoulders and torso being slightly broader, but Cas didn't mind.

His trenchcoat was starting to look like it had been the thing that had once gone to hell though. 

It was late, they had been driving for hours, and they still had least a day's drive ahead of them in the morning, since Cas had given Dean the wrong directions. Dean planned on heading straight to bed. He looked around the room. "No." Dean had missed something. He was so tired, he just went for the first thing that looked like a bed. He didn't realize it was the only thing that looked like a bed.

"Cas! We only have one bed!" Dean yelled.

Cas was in the bathroom, studying his three-day stubble in the mirror, which was something else he had started doing recently.

"That was all they had!" Cas yelled back.

"Well?" Dean appeared in the doorway, "You think you might've told me? It's your fault we have to stop at this hole-in-the-wall place anyway." 

 "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Wouldn't be the first time for either of us Dean!" 

Dean sighed, shaking his head, "Maybe if you paid more attention to where we were going and stop reading that damn book. And who the hell gave you cigarettes? Get rid of those! I don't want that crap around me. I already risk death on a daily basis."

Cas walked out of the bathroom, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging off his shoulders, "Someone told me they helped calm you down. And with the way you've been acting lately, I needed some calm."

"That's bullshit, Cas! You're so fucking calm, if you were any more calm you'd be comatose! Pay attention to what's going on around you for once!"

"Maybe I would care more if you'd listen to me!" 

"If I didn't listen to you, we'd be in Arkansas by now!" 

Cas stood still while Dean paced the floor. What one might call their 'fighting stance'. Cas steadfast in staying his ground, and Dean subconsciously marking out what he deemed as his personal space. He was still always on Cas about being in his personal space. He figured now that Cas was human, there was no real excuse for it. 

"I knew what I was doing Dean! You want me to prove it? Maybe I should just go right now, and you can get there yourself since you're the only one who knows the fucking way!" Cas defiantly grabbed the keys to the Impala, and marched toward the door. Dean raced in front of him, moving to block the way.

"You're not leaving this room until morning, and if you are, you are damn sure not taking that car!" Dean barked.

Cas stood in front of him, inches from him, heat radiating between their bodies. Cas clutched at the car keys so they dug into his palm, making him wince. "Get out of the way." Cas hissed at Dean.

"You get out of the way." 

Dean's eyebrows twitched, his tongue flicked out to lick his upper lip, and Cas watched as he shifted his weight forward and heard his breathing hitch. He thought Dean might hit him, shove him, any of the above. At this point, Cas was all about annoyance, and so he did just the opposite. He stepped closer to Dean, wedging his leg between Dean's thighs. Dean gulped, and met the former angel's stone blue eyes.

"Dean..." Cas too licked his lips. Dean's eyes watched hungrily, tiny beads of sweat forming on his temple. It was any one's move.

"Maybe we should...we should...oh fuck it." Dean grabbed Cas by the hair, pulling them together and crushing his mouth down onto Cas'. He heard Cas make some sort of vocal response, something between a moan and a gasp of surprise. All those days, all those nights, driving in the car, sharing hotel rooms, watching Cas shake out his wet hair after a shower when little drops of water would splash down to his shirt. Hearing him sigh in his sleep. Dean's hand accidentally brushing against him when he would reach for something. Their fingers touching as Cas would hand him a rifle. Ok, maybe sexy it was not, but Dean's mind said otherwise. Although with all the blood rushing to his nether regions right now, his mind wasn't saying much at all.

He tore away at Cas' clothing, pulling his shirt off, tugging at the pants that only clung to his hips. Cas barely had time to process a thought before Dean had moved on to the next part of him. So Cas wasted no time himself in getting at Dean's remaining clothes, shoving his jeans down and palming at Dean's fabric-covered erection. 

Dean groaned, "Get your clothes off!" 

Compliantly, Cas tossed the last of his clothing aside, and Dean pushed off his shorts, grabbing Cas by the wrists and pinning him onto the filthy mattress. Dean ground his hips down against Cas, feeling their cocks rub together. Cas pulled Dean down onto him, holding tight to his sides, hands running over the muscles in his chest. Dean buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck, nipping and sucking at the skin around his ear, down his neck, and to his collarbone. With each bite Cas would move underneath him, his hand grabbing at Dean for some sort of grounding. 

"This isn't even the half of it." Dean whispered tauntingly. 

Without waiting for a response, Dean snaked his way down Cas' body, pausing to kiss or bite at his chest and stomach along the way. Cas shuddered when he felt Dean's lips humming around the base of his cock. He didn't know what this was supposed to feel like, as he hadn't gotten around to explore the human pleasures of the flesh yet, but if this was it, it was good. So very good. His body was thrumming against the sound from Dean's throat. 

Dean's hand wrapped around Cas' prominent erection, slowly stroking upwards as his tongue flicked out at the head. "You want me to fuck you, Cas?" Dean's fingers found a steady rhythm, but he moved so achingly slow. He let his tongue trace circles around the swollen head of Cas' cock, lapping at him in a teasing manner while Cas writhed and keened around him. "I should make you beg for it."

"Dean..." Cas was still revelling in this new feeling. He leaned upward to look at Dean, who simply met his gaze, and without a word, swallowed him down as far as he could. Cas' head fell back and he cried out. Dean's head bobbed up and down, his hand still working with him. He could feel Cas' body tense, and he slowed down, pulling off with a wet pop. 

Dean reached over to the bag he had brought in, fishing around for a moment, before he pulled out a tube of lube. "Told you my stuff was important. Sit up."

Cas listened, though he felt he had no muscles in his body right now. He somehow managed to pull himself into a sitting position against the wall. Dean moved forward and straddled his legs, leaning down to kiss him. "You are loving this aren't you?"

"I didn't realize." Cas said. "I thought you were exaggerating."

Cas took the moment of Dean being near to explore his body, touching his chest, leaning in and letting his tongue flick over Dean's nipples, and listening to the guttaral response he got. Cas' fingers reaching to touch Dean's own leaking cock. "No." Dean grabbed his wrist, "Not yet." Dean kissed him again, his tongue slipping between Cas' lips to taste him, and he smiled as he pulled away. Dean slipped one lubed finger into Cas' entrance, seeing him immediately react and wince a bit at the feeling.

"Ok?"

"Um...yeah."

Dean slipped another finger in. The sound Cas made this time was less pain and more pleasure. He gasped softly. Dean scissored his fingers inside of Cas, working them in and out of him. Cas was already started to thrust himself forward on Dean's fingers, breathing soft against him.

"Slow down cowboy, we've only just started." Dean smirked. He edged down the bed and grabbed Cas' legs, tugging him downward as well. Their eyes met, Cas lost somewhere in his new sex oblivion, and Dean silently reassuring him. He gave no warning, and just shoved himself into Cas in one quick motion. Cas' body nearly screamed at this sensation, crying out for what reason he wasn't quite sure. Dean was quick to mold his lips to Cas', moving slowly in and out of him, while he sucked Cas' tongue down his throat. Dean kissed Cas to reassure him, but Dean also was wracked with nerves and drunk on this feeling. He liked sex yes, but it had become a thing of play for him, there were no emotions attached to it. Not until now, with the last person he expected to find himself wrapped around. 

Kissing Cas was better than any heavenly ascension Dean could imagine. Cas' tangled his hand in Dean's hair. Holding tight to him, kissing him back, figuring out how to move his body with Dean's. Dean switched his motions, thrusting harder into Cas. His hand found Cas' cock again, and he reached to place Cas' hand on top of his own. Cas had never really touched himself before, and now he could feel his own hand and Dean's hand on his body. Inside his body. Everywhere around him. He felt like he was coming apart.

"Keep going." Dean instructed, moving his hand off and shifting forward. He pounded Cas into the mattress like he hadn't fucked anyone in months. Cas continued to lazily jerk himself off, but at some point he thought he heard Dean tell him to stop. He could feel Dean inside him, filling him. Dean's hips rutting against the grooves in his own. Cas' eyes stared straight up, his mouth agape as he moaned and whimpered and every so often Dean would kiss his mouth and whisper something.

"Fuck...Dean...Dean, I can't..."

Dean could feel Cas unravelling before him. He slowed his movements to an almost painful stop, reached down and ran his thumb over the head of Cas' cock again.

"Oh! Fuck!"

Dean smiled, something about fucking a former angel of the lord and making him curse delighted him. Cas' hands were gripping the blankets so tightly his knuckles had gone white, and his body felt like it was going to shatter into a million pieces at any moment. 

"Cas...now...gonna...fuck!" Dean let himself go, spilling into Cas, his body shaking. 

And then it was all done. "Oh my...Dean!" Cas felt an eruption somewhere in his body, and Dean was hovering above him, panting, as he came all over his stomach and chest, Dean's hands, the mattress. Cas' first orgasm shook him to his very core, and he felt it again and again. He let the sensation wash over him as he unclenched his fingers and he panted for his breath. Dean rolled off of him and flopped over to his back, finally getting his own breath of air that sounded a lot like satisfaction.

"If I knew...that that's what you were always on about..." Cas panted. "We would've done that a long time ago."

In the damp dark motel room, the scent of sex still lingering in the air, Dean only laughed. For the first time in months.